i get wayyy too addicted to video games. i wouldn't mind it if it was for a purpose like making content or socializing. i fucked up my routine again today due to some circumstances at home and i had to sleep late and with my dad last night which meant the alarm volume was low and i didn't even expect waking up on time from myself so of course i didn't. remember bro it's just 3 days of pain to shift your body's clock. i still want to wake up at 3:30 am. i probably won't wake up on time tomorrow either. it's almost midnight now. but i know what i must do.
i was reading twotsm yesterday and chapter 13 really hit home. he said something like "don't let family be an excuse to not be purposeful". i don't really know my purpose but i feel like i may have to give studying a try. i really despise the idea even now but if i cannot find anything else i enjoy doing and can enjoy doing for a while (not video games) then i will have to study. studying for a degree goes against everything i believe about the system and i will not do it to get a job or something. it's just like i don't have anything better to do. i want to make money, but i don't know how. i have tried to find an answer but no success. i guess the time for that will also come but i am still not able to believe that studying could be a layer of my purpose. i hope it isn't and i find something else that is my true purpose because i despise the idea of studying to pass exams. i don't despise studying itself, rather i enjoy it sometimes. it's like going to the gym for me.
anyways, i must delete games and other distracting stuff from my devices or my life will be nothing. i have to and want to lvie my life and playing games is a great way to not do that. let me spend some time in peace, perhaps reading will bring out a thought or idea that will help make me think clearer.